For years, I thought restriction was the answer.
I couldn’t be trusted around food. I was afraid that, given the opportunity, I would eat myself into oblivion.
Or, at least into obesity.
Cookies were the enemy (especially chocolate chip cookies — especially my homemade chocolate chip cookies). Desserts of all kinds were verboten. And don’t get me started on tortilla chips.
And, when I did — inevitably — eat those forbidden things I was bad. I was wrong. I beat myself up about it.
Or, I didn’t. At least, not at the time. Because I was too busy eating ALL THE COOKIES. (Or cake. Or chips. Whatever.)
And then, of course, to punish myself later, I’d go back on a strict diet.
Sometimes those strict diets would stick for a while. Even a few months. But then I’d start eating all the things again and head back towards tight pants and emotional woes.
I have since learned that those terrible swings, eating all the things then eating none of the things, it has a name. And it’s called binge eating disorder.
The binge eating didn’t surprise me that much. The fact that dieting was also a big part of my disorder?
THAT rocked me.
What am I supposed to do when my pants get too tight if I can’t diet????
I’m working on it. I tune back in. I get more mindful. I try to pay attention to my choices and what I’m actually putting in my mouth.
But the one thing I don’t do?
I don’t restrict any more.
So when my daughter asked if we could make some chocolate cupcakes — and I happened to notice that it was national cupcake day — of course I said yes.
Because cupcakes are awesome.
I’m not going to restrict, but I’m going to be smart about it. I’m going to only make 12 cupcakes (not three or four dozen — who needs that many?). I’m NOT going to make “low-fat” or “diet” cupcakes; I’m going to make really tasty ones so that I’ll be satisfied with just one.
The recipe below calls for a dark chocolate glaze (also delicious) but we had some leftover cream cheese frosting that went perfectly. And was a good vehicle for sprinkles. (I know; leftover frosting? Crazy talk.)
And I’m going to enjoy the process as much as the end result. Cooking with my baby?
What could be sweeter?